I Really Do Have a Lot To be Greatful For!

I Have been wasting time on facebook like I often do when I am at work and it is a quiet evening. This evening in my last Tuesday night in the Library and of course tomorrow is the last day for Finals so it’s dead in here.
I realized tonight as I was "creeping" on friends that I do have a lot to be grateful for.
I might be having a hard time financially and I might be upset that life hasn’t really turned out the way that I would have liked... when does it ever? Is crying about a 60+ thousand student loan debt and a lack of full time employment really something to cry about?
No, it’s not. I will say that sure sometimes life sucks for me, I have bad days. I wish I could go shopping and buy nice things for my home and for my family. I wish I could go out for family suppers more, and maybe drink a little more wine... but I really can't complain when I see newlyweds facing cancer and people with wee little babies not going to get to see them grow up perhaps. There is always hope, and I do my share of praying (I don't care if you believe in god or gods but there is someone everyone prays to). The thing is I see sadness everywhere, I see people who are facing some really hard times and they seem to be taking everything with stride.
Here I am I feel so pitiful at times, am I really that selfish?
I mean sure it sucks not knowing if my bills are getting paid in full, or even meeting minimum payments. It sucks having to buy clothes at second hand stores (not because it’s cool but because we have no choice, but it is still cool). Having to maybe have a cheap ass wedding with tithe justice of the peace instead of what I really wanted to do. (We wanted to do).
So smile, you’re alive.
I'm alive, I have a wonderful fiancé who makes me smile every day (even when I am mad at him), I have a child that makes me want to give him brothers and sisters until my baby box breaks. I never thought I could love children so much.
Life is beautiful, it really is I’m not trying to e sappy or sentimental but we just need to be positive about things.
I was having a rough while, I was sick, I missed time at school, soon to be unemployed, didn't get the job I wanted, had a bad experience at work... etc, I was feeling like I was in a big black hole and that I was getting sucked in hard and fast.
Turns out I had a really optimistic feeling yesterday, I wrote my Economics Final and I said hey I feel good. UNIVERSE I FEEL GOOD, yea....
Then I found out that I can get my student loan extended to cover the 2 month term coming up, so I can start my 2nd and 3rd degree in the next few weeks. I don't need to take a year off or to find work.
I’m going back to school, I am going to take two course (all I can take as I reached the cap of what can be transferred to my new degree in Sept), and then I am going to babysit over the summer months and enjoy my son and some other kids (the ones I am sitting obviously lol), and then gear up for September full time school again for X number of years full throttle fall, winter, spring, and summers until I have my BA/BEd. That’s the plan Stan!
So I really have nothing to complain about do I? Nope!

Even my Kitty has faith in me, he was helping me study. Keeping the books in my bag warm.

I Guess Maybe I Should Introduce Myself Before I Keep Ranting?

Well hello there,

I guess you must enjoy reading ratings on the interwebs since you have come across my blog.

So I don't really know what to say about myself besides the obvious stated above. I am soon to be graduating from University with a Business Degree. I have come out of College three times already with some Fine Art, Animation and Graphics and last Office Admin. I am also bilingual, which means that here in Canada I speak both English and Francais fluently. I also have my TESL certification which means that I can teach English as a Second language or that I have the ability to work with those that do not have English as their first language.

I live in one of the lovely Atlantic Provinces here in Canada, yup.

I moved away from home to go to University and I met the Man of my dreams. He is absolutely perfect for me; he is everything I could have wanted in a partner. I'm happy that I have found someone that I can grow old with as well as grow with spiritually and mentally. That’s of course if neither of us drives the other one crazy first.

I have a lovely little boy that is equally amazing; he has made me realize a few things about myself that I never thought were possible.

I don't really like talking about myself, so yea. You will see a lot of rants about things in my life but nothing to personal.

I might post some art work later, but I don't imagine I will be getting much more personal than that. This is mostly about my struggle as a Canadian to find work when I am feel that I have become less employable the longer I am in school.

So will I be starting my Second Degree in Education in the next few weeks, in September? Will I find a full time job? Will I take the year off? Hmmmm...

Last Weekend at Work

So here we are it’s my last weekend working in the University Library doing IT work. I have been here all semester Saturday and Sundays, I thought that working in the library on the weekends would be a good time to catch up on studying. To be honest I think I do less studying now that I am working on the weekends than I was before.

I mean sure it’s a great opportunity to be working and studying at the sometime. It’s generally quiet enough to get a good amount of personal work done. I have a few students coming up with issues with papers, and applications they are trying to use, setting up wireless and printer drives etc. To my surprise these last few shifts that I have been in the Library have been the busiest. I guess all the students have left so many things to the last minute like hooking up their wireless on their person laptops, or installing printer drives on their laptops, doing assignments last minute... etc. I guess I would have figured that as the next generation of workers we would be more organized, hard working and eager to get things done.

Hmmm... I guess not. So what does that say about us as growing society? Well it looks like we are slackers? What do you say? We leave everything to the last minute; we leave things that we clearly know are important to the last minute. I mean I look around and I see students of all ages from 18 to 50 (why yes we have many mature students since the economy went down) all leaving things to the last minute. I see the nursing student doing her theses, and the engineering student watching a soccer game instead of doing his assignment that is sitting beside him. The education students are gathered around talking about something...

Seems like I see a lot of socializing in this library... Gosh, since when was a library a cool place? I remember when I was in high school, god who went to the library? Only geeks or those kids that were sent there to do work because we were bad.

I guess I wasn’t a geek in high school, I mean I am now. I always was but a closet geek. That’s besides my point.

My point is we seem to be a society of procrastinators. Yup we sure are, we are a bunch of as I said slackers. This library is full, but yet no one is really doing anything. I see facebook, YouTube, and people talking. Okay there are some people doing work but not that many for the amount of people in here.

So does this display our work ethic? Is this how we do work around here? I mean it’s not just Canadians; my University is 90% international students. The Canadian students that are here are either right out of high school or bitter mature students that have worked and then lost work and ended up back here. You can tell who’s worked, and who hasn’t worked a real job by looking around. People who are here because they lost their jobs look angry, I mean wouldn’t you be?

I am I have to give the government more money because they basically took my job away. It’s like me saying “Hey government, I’m broke now because you chose to make cut backs in my industry... so can you help a bud out with a little mulla? Lend me some money as student loan, common Fella I'll pay ya back. You know it’s a good deal you get to compound my ass with daily interest." Government says "Hey, yea sorry about that with you losing your job. I know it sucks, but ya I'll lend you some money no problem. I'm here for ya, I'll lend you enough to cover your tuition but not your Cost of Living. I mean you'll still have to go find part time work, so you better get started on that." So of course we are bitter, I mean I have to work 2 students’ jobs to cover my cost of living expenses and I have a student loan. So when do I have time to study? 

Well, it’s ironic huh.

I have to come back to school to get educated, but I have to spend my time working and not studying so I can pay for my education... Working and not studying effects my marks... I can’t qualify for scholarships because my marks aren’t high enough because I work so much... and I work so much because I can’t get a scholarship....

So if my marks are going to suffer anyway, why would I have the motivation to work hard at studying when I do have the free time?

I need a damn break, I mean when I have "free" time and I’m not at work or in class do you really think that I am going to go home and study? Hmmm, at my age I have a family. I have obligations, who’s going to do my laundry, clean my house? Wash my dishes? Help my son with his home work? Buy groceries? Free time, well I guess I don’t really have free time.

So no, we aren't slackers, not the older generation. When you see me on the computer and I am not working or studying this is MY TIME so I don't go nuts and as they say "Go postal", I mean I very well have every right to go crazy don't I? 

Well maybe that’s a better idea, go crazy don't work, don’t pay tuition, don't clean my house... stay in a hospital and have my meals brought to me. Sounds pretty darn good right about now. Wouldn’t you say?

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay.

Breath.

So yea, working at the library is pretty nice.

I honestly do enjoy it a lot, but I don't really get the chance to study like I thought that I would. Students may not be bombarding me with questions, but it is such a social atmosphere that’s it’s not really a place to study anymore.

Maybe us older bitter students that are so jaded are setting a bad example to those younger students that have no reason to be bitter? Maybe we are setting a bad example to those international students that see us on facebook instead of reading our Macroeconomics books (which are sitting beside us begging to be opened). OR maybe we are simply making the statement that we have been down this higher education road before and we put our all in it the first time and if it really works so well, why are we here again?

I’m sad this is my last weekend here; I am not sure what is going to be coming up in the next stage of my life. I really need to figure a few things out in the next few weeks. It should be interesting, I guess...

I'm still thinking about that mental hospital...

Hm,... no wonder we have no work ethic we have no security. Does anyone anywhere practice work insentives?

So Happy thoughts

It will all be worth it if someday I'm as rocking as her!

Things to Inspire Smiles

So I need a few things to inspire me! I need to think ahead and to think of all the lovely things that are a head in my future like epic kitty battles...
Little ladybugs, something small can be so precious

Dirty Humor...

Bad choices made by others

All of these things make me smile. I hope you find joy in simple things too! We all need to just look around us and see the silly things, makes my student loans of DOOM not seem to serious when I look at that guy and think "Hey at least Im not going to die of a heart attack by 35."

New Adventures Await!

I guess we need to be optimistic. That’s what I have been told since I can remember; okay I'm not a pessimist I promise. I was just told that I think too much, I remember when I was 14 my high school therapist told me that I just think too much. I was confused, I mean aren't kids supposed to be thinking about things. Are we not supposed to be looking inward trying to figure out who we are, where we want to go and what we want to become as people?

I would have thought so; I guess maybe having a wondering inquisitive mind at 14 is an issue.
I tried not to think so much, I even try now. I realize the difference now, if I think too much at my age I really start to realize that most things I was told growing up were bull crap.

Like I said I am not a pessimist, sure I believe that good things come to good people and that we can make our own choices in destiny in the future etc all that good jazz.

I guess I am just a bit bitter because I have realized that it doesn’t really matter what we are told when we are younger, sure life gets harder and if you don’t grab her by  the balls you might get screwed.
I have been screwed lately, partly my own fault.

Sure I realize this, I got in over my head fallowing my day dreams and thinking a bit too much about the future without having any real foundation for my dreams to grow on. I’m sure it happens to a lot of us, we get on this one thought track and we don't really take into considerations the other possibilities of "alternate realities" that may happen.

Sure my dreams crumbled in the last few weeks, I had hung my hopes to high an opportunity it turned out poorly and I was bitter for a while.

Certainly anyone would have been, I mean we make plans around our dreams and assumptions because we really try hard to make them happen.

I have learned that I need to make things happen for myself, I can't rely on other people to help me make the life I want. It’s about going out there and getting the life I want by creating my own roads there.
I know I have a long road ahead of me, the next few weeks, months and even years.

I guess that means it’s time for some positive thinking. I need to start writing down my goals and focusing on them daily to help myself achieve what I need. Starting with a vision board, yup you heard right a vision board. I’m going to get a cork board and I am going to post things on it, like job descriptions fitting the description of what I want to be doing. This will motivate me to work harder every day to achieve my goals... I guess some people would say that it’s just the fact that you see the vision board every day (whether you look at it or see it subconsciously) it will make you think of making better choices in your daily life to help you get to where you want to be. I need make my foundations stronger, out of brick instead of straw.

So let’s do this, let’s be optimistic about life! Sure I’m soon to be an unemployed over educated Canadian but I’m still good for something right? This is just all part of the journey I started a long time ago, where I keep looking inward to see what kind of person I want to be.

Lets think of happy things like Love...
Motivational thoughts to help me become the person I want to be, a more caring motivated individual that looks inward to see who I want to be.

Not the cranky bitter old hag that clings to assumptions.


Is it working yet?

Its Time to Start the Next Stage!

Well, here we are it’s soon to be graduation... Hey shouldn’t I be really excited I'm graduating from University in a few weeks. I'll be all done my higher education! Wow... Hmmm... Wait a Second!
This road looks really similar to somewhere I have been before, Oh yeah...
Let’s see I have been to and graduated from College three times already, and now I am coming out of University.
My question is WHAT DOES A CANADIAN HAVE TO DO TO GET A JOB AROUND HERE?
Sure you are thinking, well you are just coming out of school, what do you really expect to have something waiting for you in today’s economy?
Okay Okay so maybe I am being a baby, maybe I shouldn’t be upset that I am now owing 60 thousand + to my government. I mean of course they were nice enough to lend it to me right? Yea they were nice enough to lend me money and then ask me to pay them 700$ a month soon as I am done school and looking for employment. I mean my payments are only going to be compounded daily... whats daily intrest anyway! Pfft no biggy. (I’m crying just thinking about it)
So I started applying for jobs a few months ago, I mean I had to. I had to get the leg up on all those other Business students that are graduating in a few weeks. Mind you I was working two jobs up until a few weeks ago. Student employment of course, I mean I had to work as a student to cover my costs, my loan wasn’t enough. Now that I won’t be a student any more I won’t be working either of my jobs, it’s disappointing.
Sure you might say, well wouldn’t those jobs give you experience and open doors of opportunities for you? I would say well certainly they would wouldn’t they? I’m a hard worker, I fallow rules, I'm polite and I'm punctual. My parents always said hard work speaks for its self.
Sorry Mom and Dad, I think you guys may have been wrong on that one. There is more to getting a job than experience, education and hard work. 
It’s really really really frustrating, yup it sure is. I’m educated in a few fields; I have experience in those fields as well. I was working, had a great job. Some might even say it was a dream job; it was the kind of job that you woke up and were excited about in the mornings. I loved it, it was great. Layoffs came, they sure did and my hard work didn't count. So just like that Snap!! My dream job was gone, Hello life of unemployment! I returned to school, I sure did I said well sir if my dream job has no more jobs for me here I am going to make sure I have some employable skills that are desirable. I found myself doing office administration in school; everyone needs a receptionist/secretary. Actually it turns out that they will take high school graduates for that type of work, apparently with a certification I cost too much. 
Business Degree, ohh my lovely business degree... what will you get me my lovely business degree?
I'm travelling down the road of it looks like the only way I can get a head is to open my own business. I have a few things in mind. 

BUT at the moment life is just about trying to get by.