A year later, still looking for WORK!

Well it has been over a year; I ditched my summer job for a full time position.  I really thought that I was going to be done with school for ever last year at this time. I was wrong, I wrote my Finance final which was the one class stopping me from getting into my B.A/BE.d BUT I failed. I got a BIG FAT F, yup my calculator died and well that was sufficient to fail me.

After that happened I decided that I was going to take the first full time job that presented it's self to me. I did, and that was a mistake too! Ohh wow working at my new job it only took me three months to realize that going back to get that Finance class was key to my happiness. Upon my return to school last September I stuck around a little longer in order to get my Human Resource Management as well. 

AND now here I am in the same position pretty much. I am finally graduated officially 5 times but still looking for work. Today I sent out a few resumes and cover pages and searched sites etc etc all that great stuff.

So once again I am in the situation of finding work. 

I am doing research for the University, tutoring, freelancing graphics, and volunteering bbbut none of that is "work". 

I guess the question is, am I better off now that I have completed my education or was I better off last summer working full time at a job that was sucking out the very life force within me? Oh you might think I was just being a big baby and beggars can't be choosers. Well after dealing with X number of clients calling in crying and the lack of office management was not worth it. I doubt even the clients who are going through financial hardships would even consider it for work... not to mentioned I was over qualified and under paid, especially for my education and bilingualism.

But it was work and I should have been gratful, seems to be the feling I get. Should I be under selling myself inorder to find work? I certainly won't find resonable work if that is the case.... but what is resoanle work?

I say this has all just been motivation to get my own business ideas written and submitted to the appropriate organizations.

Found a Summer Job...

I have been putting resumes out and going to interviews for months! I finally landed a summer job organizing activities for College Students, foreign college students who are here learning English before they peruse their higher education at University. Some of them have already graduated from university in their home country and have just come here to continue.

I have a lot of experience with the students as I have been working with them for other the last year in some extent or the other. I am really happy to be working with them, I am really excited about showing them that Canada and that  the city we are in has a lot to offer people. 

I wont be getting paid for another two weeks, my student loan (extension) has not arrived yet. My bank account is in the - balance. I am really not feeling very chipper. I had to go grocery shopping at a discount store, something similar to the buck or two. Turns out they do offer a lot, but of course its all canned. I'm still not sure about the bread.. I haven't dared to try buying it from there. My son of course gets better quality food, we just went there to get stuff for "grown" up lunches and he got all the fresh stuff from the grocery store. 

I have been told that if I go to school here and continue my higher education that I will be in so much debt I won't be able to live when I'm done. It is pretty much the same situation I am in now, I mean seriously I am in debt, getting deeper every day as I can't afford to pay my bills or eat fresh food. What will be the difference when I am out of school after another 4 years? I'll still be eating canned food but at least I will be a teacher and hopefully teaching. If I can't find work then what is the worst that will happen? I'll have to go to a food bank? Seriously... I have friends that are educated college and university degrees BOTH and they have no food in their cupboards or fridge. It looks like more and more of my generation may have to move back in with Mommy and Daddy when they are done school. Trust me no one wants to be 25 - 30 and move back in with Mom and Dad. Its harsh. 

Seems no one takes me seriously because I am a student, they think of she is just a kid. How can I be a kid with 3 college diplomas, 1 university degree and a 7 year old? I have had real jobs, I am forced to take student jobs because they pay less and I'm over qualified for everything else that's offered. Do  you think I chose jobs that pay minimum wage and 15 or less hours  a week dealing with other peoples crap because its what I always wanted to do? No I can't stand the politics in some of these positions but it is experience and income. I just hope that when I am working I some how make someones day better by helping them out. DON'T get me wrong I love working with other students and I love doing administrative work, I would just like to feel respected when I do it. It is not the other students that generally lack respect, if you get my drift.

When I get a full time job I'm leaving school, I am tired of getting treated like crap. I think I need to step away from university for a bit, I have had so many bad experiences with my Business profs that I have become more jaded than I previously though. I guess this last year has been a cruddy one, a lot of bad experiences making me bitter. I want to be a teacher, but I feel that if I continue with my education I may become bitter and a bad teacher? If I stop and take a leave to work I can come back fresh... but I can't afford to take a break unless I get full time work. I can't afford to leave school and not work, I am basically living from student loan to loan as it is. THIS is with taking on work, tutoring etc... Is this right? Should people be stuck like this?  I just don't know what to do any more!! ! ! !!

I Really Do Have a Lot To be Greatful For!

I Have been wasting time on facebook like I often do when I am at work and it is a quiet evening. This evening in my last Tuesday night in the Library and of course tomorrow is the last day for Finals so it’s dead in here.
I realized tonight as I was "creeping" on friends that I do have a lot to be grateful for.
I might be having a hard time financially and I might be upset that life hasn’t really turned out the way that I would have liked... when does it ever? Is crying about a 60+ thousand student loan debt and a lack of full time employment really something to cry about?
No, it’s not. I will say that sure sometimes life sucks for me, I have bad days. I wish I could go shopping and buy nice things for my home and for my family. I wish I could go out for family suppers more, and maybe drink a little more wine... but I really can't complain when I see newlyweds facing cancer and people with wee little babies not going to get to see them grow up perhaps. There is always hope, and I do my share of praying (I don't care if you believe in god or gods but there is someone everyone prays to). The thing is I see sadness everywhere, I see people who are facing some really hard times and they seem to be taking everything with stride.
Here I am I feel so pitiful at times, am I really that selfish?
I mean sure it sucks not knowing if my bills are getting paid in full, or even meeting minimum payments. It sucks having to buy clothes at second hand stores (not because it’s cool but because we have no choice, but it is still cool). Having to maybe have a cheap ass wedding with tithe justice of the peace instead of what I really wanted to do. (We wanted to do).
So smile, you’re alive.
I'm alive, I have a wonderful fiancé who makes me smile every day (even when I am mad at him), I have a child that makes me want to give him brothers and sisters until my baby box breaks. I never thought I could love children so much.
Life is beautiful, it really is I’m not trying to e sappy or sentimental but we just need to be positive about things.
I was having a rough while, I was sick, I missed time at school, soon to be unemployed, didn't get the job I wanted, had a bad experience at work... etc, I was feeling like I was in a big black hole and that I was getting sucked in hard and fast.
Turns out I had a really optimistic feeling yesterday, I wrote my Economics Final and I said hey I feel good. UNIVERSE I FEEL GOOD, yea....
Then I found out that I can get my student loan extended to cover the 2 month term coming up, so I can start my 2nd and 3rd degree in the next few weeks. I don't need to take a year off or to find work.
I’m going back to school, I am going to take two course (all I can take as I reached the cap of what can be transferred to my new degree in Sept), and then I am going to babysit over the summer months and enjoy my son and some other kids (the ones I am sitting obviously lol), and then gear up for September full time school again for X number of years full throttle fall, winter, spring, and summers until I have my BA/BEd. That’s the plan Stan!
So I really have nothing to complain about do I? Nope!

Even my Kitty has faith in me, he was helping me study. Keeping the books in my bag warm.

I Guess Maybe I Should Introduce Myself Before I Keep Ranting?

Well hello there,

I guess you must enjoy reading ratings on the interwebs since you have come across my blog.

So I don't really know what to say about myself besides the obvious stated above. I am soon to be graduating from University with a Business Degree. I have come out of College three times already with some Fine Art, Animation and Graphics and last Office Admin. I am also bilingual, which means that here in Canada I speak both English and Francais fluently. I also have my TESL certification which means that I can teach English as a Second language or that I have the ability to work with those that do not have English as their first language.

I live in one of the lovely Atlantic Provinces here in Canada, yup.

I moved away from home to go to University and I met the Man of my dreams. He is absolutely perfect for me; he is everything I could have wanted in a partner. I'm happy that I have found someone that I can grow old with as well as grow with spiritually and mentally. That’s of course if neither of us drives the other one crazy first.

I have a lovely little boy that is equally amazing; he has made me realize a few things about myself that I never thought were possible.

I don't really like talking about myself, so yea. You will see a lot of rants about things in my life but nothing to personal.

I might post some art work later, but I don't imagine I will be getting much more personal than that. This is mostly about my struggle as a Canadian to find work when I am feel that I have become less employable the longer I am in school.

So will I be starting my Second Degree in Education in the next few weeks, in September? Will I find a full time job? Will I take the year off? Hmmmm...

Last Weekend at Work

So here we are it’s my last weekend working in the University Library doing IT work. I have been here all semester Saturday and Sundays, I thought that working in the library on the weekends would be a good time to catch up on studying. To be honest I think I do less studying now that I am working on the weekends than I was before.

I mean sure it’s a great opportunity to be working and studying at the sometime. It’s generally quiet enough to get a good amount of personal work done. I have a few students coming up with issues with papers, and applications they are trying to use, setting up wireless and printer drives etc. To my surprise these last few shifts that I have been in the Library have been the busiest. I guess all the students have left so many things to the last minute like hooking up their wireless on their person laptops, or installing printer drives on their laptops, doing assignments last minute... etc. I guess I would have figured that as the next generation of workers we would be more organized, hard working and eager to get things done.

Hmmm... I guess not. So what does that say about us as growing society? Well it looks like we are slackers? What do you say? We leave everything to the last minute; we leave things that we clearly know are important to the last minute. I mean I look around and I see students of all ages from 18 to 50 (why yes we have many mature students since the economy went down) all leaving things to the last minute. I see the nursing student doing her theses, and the engineering student watching a soccer game instead of doing his assignment that is sitting beside him. The education students are gathered around talking about something...

Seems like I see a lot of socializing in this library... Gosh, since when was a library a cool place? I remember when I was in high school, god who went to the library? Only geeks or those kids that were sent there to do work because we were bad.

I guess I wasn’t a geek in high school, I mean I am now. I always was but a closet geek. That’s besides my point.

My point is we seem to be a society of procrastinators. Yup we sure are, we are a bunch of as I said slackers. This library is full, but yet no one is really doing anything. I see facebook, YouTube, and people talking. Okay there are some people doing work but not that many for the amount of people in here.

So does this display our work ethic? Is this how we do work around here? I mean it’s not just Canadians; my University is 90% international students. The Canadian students that are here are either right out of high school or bitter mature students that have worked and then lost work and ended up back here. You can tell who’s worked, and who hasn’t worked a real job by looking around. People who are here because they lost their jobs look angry, I mean wouldn’t you be?

I am I have to give the government more money because they basically took my job away. It’s like me saying “Hey government, I’m broke now because you chose to make cut backs in my industry... so can you help a bud out with a little mulla? Lend me some money as student loan, common Fella I'll pay ya back. You know it’s a good deal you get to compound my ass with daily interest." Government says "Hey, yea sorry about that with you losing your job. I know it sucks, but ya I'll lend you some money no problem. I'm here for ya, I'll lend you enough to cover your tuition but not your Cost of Living. I mean you'll still have to go find part time work, so you better get started on that." So of course we are bitter, I mean I have to work 2 students’ jobs to cover my cost of living expenses and I have a student loan. So when do I have time to study? 

Well, it’s ironic huh.

I have to come back to school to get educated, but I have to spend my time working and not studying so I can pay for my education... Working and not studying effects my marks... I can’t qualify for scholarships because my marks aren’t high enough because I work so much... and I work so much because I can’t get a scholarship....

So if my marks are going to suffer anyway, why would I have the motivation to work hard at studying when I do have the free time?

I need a damn break, I mean when I have "free" time and I’m not at work or in class do you really think that I am going to go home and study? Hmmm, at my age I have a family. I have obligations, who’s going to do my laundry, clean my house? Wash my dishes? Help my son with his home work? Buy groceries? Free time, well I guess I don’t really have free time.

So no, we aren't slackers, not the older generation. When you see me on the computer and I am not working or studying this is MY TIME so I don't go nuts and as they say "Go postal", I mean I very well have every right to go crazy don't I? 

Well maybe that’s a better idea, go crazy don't work, don’t pay tuition, don't clean my house... stay in a hospital and have my meals brought to me. Sounds pretty darn good right about now. Wouldn’t you say?

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay.

Breath.

So yea, working at the library is pretty nice.

I honestly do enjoy it a lot, but I don't really get the chance to study like I thought that I would. Students may not be bombarding me with questions, but it is such a social atmosphere that’s it’s not really a place to study anymore.

Maybe us older bitter students that are so jaded are setting a bad example to those younger students that have no reason to be bitter? Maybe we are setting a bad example to those international students that see us on facebook instead of reading our Macroeconomics books (which are sitting beside us begging to be opened). OR maybe we are simply making the statement that we have been down this higher education road before and we put our all in it the first time and if it really works so well, why are we here again?

I’m sad this is my last weekend here; I am not sure what is going to be coming up in the next stage of my life. I really need to figure a few things out in the next few weeks. It should be interesting, I guess...

I'm still thinking about that mental hospital...

Hm,... no wonder we have no work ethic we have no security. Does anyone anywhere practice work insentives?

So Happy thoughts

It will all be worth it if someday I'm as rocking as her!

Things to Inspire Smiles

So I need a few things to inspire me! I need to think ahead and to think of all the lovely things that are a head in my future like epic kitty battles...
Little ladybugs, something small can be so precious

Dirty Humor...

Bad choices made by others

All of these things make me smile. I hope you find joy in simple things too! We all need to just look around us and see the silly things, makes my student loans of DOOM not seem to serious when I look at that guy and think "Hey at least Im not going to die of a heart attack by 35."

New Adventures Await!

I guess we need to be optimistic. That’s what I have been told since I can remember; okay I'm not a pessimist I promise. I was just told that I think too much, I remember when I was 14 my high school therapist told me that I just think too much. I was confused, I mean aren't kids supposed to be thinking about things. Are we not supposed to be looking inward trying to figure out who we are, where we want to go and what we want to become as people?

I would have thought so; I guess maybe having a wondering inquisitive mind at 14 is an issue.
I tried not to think so much, I even try now. I realize the difference now, if I think too much at my age I really start to realize that most things I was told growing up were bull crap.

Like I said I am not a pessimist, sure I believe that good things come to good people and that we can make our own choices in destiny in the future etc all that good jazz.

I guess I am just a bit bitter because I have realized that it doesn’t really matter what we are told when we are younger, sure life gets harder and if you don’t grab her by  the balls you might get screwed.
I have been screwed lately, partly my own fault.

Sure I realize this, I got in over my head fallowing my day dreams and thinking a bit too much about the future without having any real foundation for my dreams to grow on. I’m sure it happens to a lot of us, we get on this one thought track and we don't really take into considerations the other possibilities of "alternate realities" that may happen.

Sure my dreams crumbled in the last few weeks, I had hung my hopes to high an opportunity it turned out poorly and I was bitter for a while.

Certainly anyone would have been, I mean we make plans around our dreams and assumptions because we really try hard to make them happen.

I have learned that I need to make things happen for myself, I can't rely on other people to help me make the life I want. It’s about going out there and getting the life I want by creating my own roads there.
I know I have a long road ahead of me, the next few weeks, months and even years.

I guess that means it’s time for some positive thinking. I need to start writing down my goals and focusing on them daily to help myself achieve what I need. Starting with a vision board, yup you heard right a vision board. I’m going to get a cork board and I am going to post things on it, like job descriptions fitting the description of what I want to be doing. This will motivate me to work harder every day to achieve my goals... I guess some people would say that it’s just the fact that you see the vision board every day (whether you look at it or see it subconsciously) it will make you think of making better choices in your daily life to help you get to where you want to be. I need make my foundations stronger, out of brick instead of straw.

So let’s do this, let’s be optimistic about life! Sure I’m soon to be an unemployed over educated Canadian but I’m still good for something right? This is just all part of the journey I started a long time ago, where I keep looking inward to see what kind of person I want to be.

Lets think of happy things like Love...
Motivational thoughts to help me become the person I want to be, a more caring motivated individual that looks inward to see who I want to be.

Not the cranky bitter old hag that clings to assumptions.


Is it working yet?